So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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