i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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