just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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