i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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