I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
