I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
