Your tits are I can't wait for
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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