he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
