I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
did you just send me my own nude
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
