she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
