It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
