Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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