Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
