What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
