girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
