Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
