found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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