hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm having to shit out rocks
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
