I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
