Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
