I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
