he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
