I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
