he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
