You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
These tits shall not be calmed
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize