Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize