Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
