woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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