What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This house was built for laser tag.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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