i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
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of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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