I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.