His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i've created a new STD.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect