So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So much puke
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies