Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.