Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You are a booty call, not a friend.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.