My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize