Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
