new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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