You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
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Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
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Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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