Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
