my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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