I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
