So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
