I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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