It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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