He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
