so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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