I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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