yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
