Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
