Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
