i can't believe i had my finger in that
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
not ubering you a puppy
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