I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
