not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
