Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
