you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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