last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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