Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
