Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
