I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
