Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Randomize
