I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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