??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
