Are we in a gay sports bar?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
