suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
