I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
