I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
