I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
